OHSHC epic randomness
by XxNiji-The-Pedo-BearxX
Summary: wanna see your fave Host club characters in your fave YouTube vids  not including some random chapters ? come here! warning, may contain epic randomosity which may be too much to handle, currently rewriting first few chapters. has a few swears :S
1. Chapter 1

**because I hated the original so much.**

**Remake of Malk**

**By Julian Smith**

Kyouya, Tamaki and Hikaru were sitting round a table at the host club; don't ask me why I'm as clueless as you are, and where the heck is Kaoru? I would've guessed that they probably would've killed each other by now or Kyouya would've died of stress. Anyways as the narrator I should probably get on with the story.

"Hey Kyouya is there anything to drink 'round here?" Tamaki asked casually.

"Yeah, in the Host club fridge" Kyouya answered, scribbling furiously into his black book.

"Yo, Tono; get me a glass of Malk would ya'" Hikaru called

"We, don't have any _Malk_ but we do have some _milk_" Kyouya sneered still scribbling into his book.

"That's what he just said" Tamaki retorted confusedly.

"Yeah!" Hikaru agreed "I just said Malk."

Kyouya snapped his book shut, "_NO! _You're saying 'Malk' like it's some sort of retarded disease."

"Well, then how do you say it?" Hikaru chuckled.

"The way everyone ought to say it!" Kyouya snapped. "M-I-L-K"

"Right, like 2%" Tamaki jeered.

"Like whole Malk, and Semi skimmed Malk" Hikaru retorted.

"No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no" Kyouya tutted "Say Milkshake"

"Milkshake" Hikaru said with a confused expression on his face.

"Now say Milk" Kyouya said slowly as if he was talking to a small child.

"Malk" Hikaru replied indignantly

"Are you hearing this Tamaki?" Kyouya yelled furiously.

"Yeah, the man wants a glass of Mulk"

"MULK?" Kyouya spat "REALLY?"

"Just give the Mulk Kyouya" Tamaki snapped.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Haruhi snapped peeking around the door.

"Nothing" they all said innocently.

"Fine." Haruhi sighed then left.

"KYOUYA POUR ME A GLASS OF MALK!" Hikaru yelled.

"Why are you yelling at me?" Kyouya asked innocently "Yelling gets us nowhere."

"JUST GIVE HIM THE FREAKING MULK!" Tamaki snarled, he was waving his hands around for emphasis.

"You guys aren't even saying the same thing" Kyouya complained.

"We're all saying Malk Kyouya." Hikaru protested.

"No you're saying Malk" Kyouya growled pointing at Hikaru "And you're saying –"

"MUUUUUUUULK!" Tamaki screeched thumping his chest

"MAAAALK!" Hikaru screamed, joining in. He clambered upon the table and started screaming again.

"MAAAAALK!"

"MUUUULK!"

The screams echoed round the near empty room, Kyouya put two fingers to his forehead with his book tucked safely under his arm. He then put his hand to his pocket and drew out a gun.

"THE INCREDIBLE MUUUUULK!" Tamaki Screamed before Kyouya pointed the gun at him and then at Hikaru, then back to him.

"SHUT UP!" He commanded "SHUT. UP."

He then proceeded to point the gun at himself. Hikaru and Tamaki froze for a few seconds then proceeded to draw out guns of their own.

"DON'T DO IT KYOUYA!" they both yelped pointing the gun at him.

"You're going to shoot me if I shoot myself?" Kyouya said sounding distressed. Tamaki and Hikaru exchanged a glance and then proceeded to point their guns at themselves.

"PUT THE GUN DOWN KYOUYA!" Hikaru yelled hysterically

"PUT THE GUN DOWN!" Tamaki commanded loudly

"I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!" Kyouya cried

Thank you captain obvious.

"YOU'RE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!" Tamaki wept "YOUR AUNT IS LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!"

They all then break down and burst into tears, crying hysterically and screaming too.

"And then we pull the trigger" Tamaki said over the phone "All of us"

"We're so not doing that Tamaki" Kyouya replied, picking up his cat and placing it in his oven.

"Why not?" Tamaki complained.

"It seems so dark" Kyouya huffed; he stroked the cat one more time before he closed the uven door and turned the oven on.


	2. Chapter 2

**ouran hosts participating in youtube videos**

**Charlie the unicorn by SecretAgentBob**

**have a request? leave it in your review**

charlie the unicorn

Hunny - He-ey hey Kyoya, hey Kyoya wa-ake u-up

Tamaki - yeah Kyoya you silly sleepy head, wake u-up

Kyoya - ugh, you guyd. this better be pretty freakin important, is the host club on fire again?

Hunny - no Kyoya, we found a map to cand mount'n, candy mount'n Kyoya!

Tamaki - yeah Kyoya, we're going to candy mount'n, come with us Kyoya

Hunny - yeah Kyoya, it'll be an adventuuuure, we're going on an adventuure kyo-ya

Kyoya - yeah candy mountain, right. . . I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now

Hunny - NOOOOOO, *jumps on kyoya's bed* Kyoya, you have to come with us to candy mount'n

Tamaki - yeah Kyoya, candy Mount'n, it's a land of sweets and joy . . .and joyness

Kyoya - Please stop bouncing on my bed

Hunny - Candy mount'n Kyoyaaaaa

Tamaki - yeah Candy mount'n

Kyoya - alright fine I'll come with you to candy mountain

*walking*

Hunny & Tamaki - lalala lalala lalalala lalalala

Kyoya - ENOUGH WITH THE SINGING ALREADY

Hunny - our first stop is over there Kyoyaaaa

*cue huge dinosaur*

Kyoya - oh god what is that

Hunny - its a leopluradon Kyoyaaaa

Tamaki - a magical leopluradon

Hunny - it's gonna guide our way to candy mount'n

Kyoya - alright guys you do know that there's no actual candy mountain right?

Hunny - shun the non-believer

Tamaki - shuuuun

Hunny - sssshhhhhuuuuuuuuun-ah

Kyoya - -_-'' yeah

Leopluradon - *weird noise*

Hunny - it has spoken!

Tamaki - it has told us the waaa-aaaay

Kyoya - it didn't _say _anything!

*on a bridge*

Hunny - it's just over this bridge Kyoya

Tamaki - this magical bridge of hope and wooondeeeer

Kyoya - is anyone alse, like, getting covered in splinters? seriously guys we shouldn't even be on this thing

Hunny - Kyoyaaaaa, Kyoooyyyyaaaaa,

Kyoya - I'm right here what do you want?

Hunny - we're on a bridge kyoya

*later on*

Tamaki - we're here!

Kyoya - well what d'ya know, there actually is a candy mountain

Hunny - *dancing around* candy mount'n candy mount'n, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness

Tamaki - go inside the candy mount'n cave Kyoooya

Hunny - yeah Kyoyaaaaa, go inside the cave. imagine the magical wonders that will behold when you enter

Kyoya - yeah, uh, thanks but no thanks. I think i'm going to stay out here

Tamaki - but you have to enter the candy mount'n candy cave Kyoya

*song sequence*

Oh! When you're down and looking for some cheering up  
>Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave<br>When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land  
>Such a happy and joyful and perky, merry land<br>They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things  
>Oh so many things that will brighten up your day<br>It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town  
>It's the mecca of love, the candy cave<br>They've got jelly beans and coconuts with little hats  
>Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets<br>Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band  
>Candy bells it's a treat as they march across the land<br>Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground  
>Turn around<br>It astounds!  
>It's a dancing candy tree<br>In the candy cave imagination runs so free  
>So now Kyoya, please will you go into the cave<p>

BOOM!

*end song sequence*

Kyoya - okay fine I'll go into the freakin' candy cave, this better be good.

*goes into cave*

Hunny and tamaki - *evil laugh sorta like HYYAAAAAA?*

Hunny - goodbye Kyoya

Tamaki - yeah goodbye Kyoya

Kyoya - goodbye? what ?

*cave seals entrance*

Kyoya - *in the dark* Hey what's going on here? hello?

*noise*

Kyoya - who is that?

*punch-y sound*

*Kyoya wakes up in a field*

Kyoya - ooow, guh, what happened? *looks down* OH THEY TOOK MY FREAKIN' KIDNEY!

**thanks to my reviewers :P**


	3. Chapter 3

**ouran hosts participating in youtube videos**

**Request by elementalxmen2015**

**I'm enjoying a treat Derrick by BalloonShop**

**have a request? leave it in your review**

*It was hard to choose three suiting characters for this*

Kyoya - *sits on lawn and eats something. . .*

Tamaki - *walks up to him lies down and curls up into a ball* Hey Kyoya

Kyoya - what d'ya want Tamakiiiiiii

Tamaki - :3 I look like a hush puppy

Kyoya - *sigh*

Tamaki - Hey Kyoya, y'know sometimes I like to curl up in a big ball and pretend I'm a hush puppy

Kyoya - I'M ENJOYING A TREAT TAMAKIIII

Tamaki - hey Kyoya, watcha doing?

Kyoya - TAMAKIIII

Tamaki - Kyoya hey

Kyoya - TAMAKIIII

Tamaki - hey

Kyoya - I'M ENJOYING A TREAT TAMAKI

Tamaki - w-wait, can you share?

Kyoya - *sighs and bites*

Tamaki - Hey Kyoya, don't I look like a big carrot?

Kyoya - TAMAKI

Tamaki - Hey Kyoya

Kyoya - TAMA-_KI_

Tamaki - don't I look like a big pea?

Kyoya - NOT RIGHT NOW TAMAKI

Hikaru - *disgusted*what're you guys dooing?

Kyoya - *pulls a gun out of nowhere and shoots him*

Hikaru - Gasp

Tamaki - Hey Kyo-

Kyoya - TAMAKI, NOT RIGHT NOW TAMAKI! TAMAKI *GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY* TAMAKI, I'M ENJOYING A TREAT TAMAKI

Tamaki - fine * gets up and walks away*

Kyoya - Tamaki

TAMAKI

TAMAKI

Hikaru - *groans and dies*

*in the background*

Kyoya - TAMAKI, TAMAKI

I'M ENJOYING A TREAT TAMAKI

**I'm happy to do requests**


	4. Chapter 4

**Charlie teh Unicron**

**No I have not done it already**

**No I have not spelt it wrong**

**it's anti -Charlie the unicorn **

**go see it on YouTube**

**Requests accepted**

**double update today, go back a chapter if you havent read I'm anjoying a treat Derrick yet.**

Hikaru - Haru - heeeee Haru - heeeee

Haruhi - *sigh* what?

Tamaki - we gotta go we're burning this place down

*fire comes out of nowhere*

Haruhi - o-oh what about all the animals in the forest?

Hikaru - well clearly they're gonna burn a lot

Tamaki - well that isn't nice

Hikaru - Man, shut the HEEEEEEELL up

Tamaki - you shut the HEEEEEELL up

Hikaru - no you shut the HEEEEEEELLL up

Haruhi - you can both go and shut the hell up

Hikaru - I'm not talking to you HARUHI

Tamaki - *pupils distort* RAINBOW BLEAGH *pukes rainbow*

*on a bridge*

Hikaru - Holy crap we're on a bridge

Tamaki - OH MY GOD I'M FALLIN'. I HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOOOOOR *falls*

Haruhi - that was . . .Tragic

Hikaru - not as tragic as you face

Haruhi - oh come on that was uncalled for

Hikaru - your face is uncalled for

Tamaki - Hey guys

Hikaru - where da hell you been?

Tamaki - oh you know, saw a movie, got some coffee.

Hikaru - I want some coffee

Haruhi - hey I could go for some coffee too

Hikaru - well you cant you son of a bitch

*in forest*

Hikaru - oh look it's that dinosaur punk

Tamaki - he owes me 20 bucks

Hikaru - hey Leo! Yo Leo!

Leopluradon - rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr

Hiakru - what da hell he say?

Tamaki - man I have no idea

Leopluradon - rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr

Tamaki - wheres mah moneh Leo?

Leopluradon - rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr

*fire comes outta nowhere*

Hikaru - oh crap the fire's back

Tamaki - I want mah 20 bucks Leo

Leopluradon - *on fire*

Tamaki - oh no Leo's on fire

Leo - rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr

Hikaru - stop drop and roll man!

*at the poke-a-nose*

Hikaru - well here we are, at the poke-a-nose

Haruhi - this is lovely. this is a lovely vacationing spot.

Hikaru - yeah yeah. should be nice. . .except for the DRAGON

*nothing*

Hikaru - there was supposed to be a dragon there

Haruhi - oh

Tamaki - we put a deposit down and everything

Haruhi - yeah theres-theres no dragon here

Hikaru - well I can SEE that OBVIOUSLY

*dragon crashes down from nowhere obv. dead*

Tamaki - OH MAH GOD

Hikaru - oh that scared the crap outta meh

Tamaki - well theres the dragon

Haruhi - yep

Hikaru - behold the horror

Haruhi - Yeah that's pretty scary

Tamaki - I'm hungry lets go find an iHop

**this is important guys, do you think I should do a more serious un-parody fanfic?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Everyone. Apologies for stupid grammar mistakes and lack of punctuation**

**Do you guys Like the script layout or would you prefer the other layout? Please tell me so I can fix things that you hate.**

**Ok with no further ado **

**David after dentist**

**Request by "Lovely"**

Hunny - *looking at cake forlornly*

Haruhi – *with rest of host club spying on Hunny from around the corner* 'Someone has to talk to him.'

Tamaki – 'Why can't Mori –Senpai?'

Haruhi – 'he can't always be there for Hunny.'

Hikaru – 'You go Tamaki'

Tamaki – 'WHAT? NO!'

Haruhi - *pushes him into the open*

Tamaki - *nervous* 'Hey Hunny, how'd your appointment go?'

Hunny - *tearing up* 'I . . . didn't . . . feel anything.'

Tamaki – 'yeah, you're not supposed to feel anything bud.'

Hunny – *Groans* 'Oh, Tama-chan. I feel funny.'

Tamaki – 'Please don't vomit on me'

Haruhi, Hikaru & Kaoru - *Facepalm*

Hunny - *groans and head lolls* 'Is this real life Tama-chan?'

Tamaki – 'Yeah, sucks doesn't it?'

Hunny – 'Don't lie to me, waaaah!'

Tamaki – 'there's no lying about the real world.'

Hunny – 'Ok now I - now I have two fingers.'

Tamaki – 'Yes Hunny, everyone has at least two fingers.'

Hunny – 'Now I have four fingers.'

Tamaki – 'That is still normal Hunny – senpai.'

Hunny - *reaches for cake*

Tamaki - *smacks hand away* 'nuh uh uh!'

Hunny – *grabs cake quickly and opens mouth to bite*

Tamaki – 'DON'T put it-DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH! Okay?'

Hunny – 'BUT WHY Tama-chan'

Tamaki – 'How are you feeling?'

Hunny – 'I can't SEE _anything.'_

Tamaki – 'Yes, you can.'

Hunny – 'Can I have some cake now?'

Tamaki – 'no'

Hunny - *stands up in seat* 'gggggrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'

Tamaki – 'what, the frog?'

Hunny – 'You know times when you feel like screaming?'

Tamaki – 'ALL the time!'

Hunny – 'then was that time.'

Tamaki - *comforts* 'I understand.'

Hunny – 'Now can I have some cake?'

Mori – 'No, Mitskuni.'

Hunny – 'WAAAH TAKASHI.'

Tamaki – 'Can I go now?'

Mori - *nod*

Hunny – 'Takashi, do I have a cavity?'

Mori - *nod*

Hunny – 'I-I have a cavity?'

Mori - *grunt*

Hunny – 'On my teeth?'

Mori – 'Yah.'

Hunny – *grabs cake, about to bite*

Mori – 'No Mitskuni, No cake.'

Hunny – 'Why can't I eat it?'

Mori – ' Because.'

Hunny – 'Takashi, you have four eyes.'

Mori - *grunt*

Hunny – 'I feel funny, WHY'S THIS HAPPENING TO ME?'

Haruhi – 'it's okay.'

Hunny – 'GO AWAY, GO EAT CAKE BECAUSE I CAN'T.'

Haruhi – '?'

Hunny - *to Mori* 'Will this be forever?'

Mori – 'no'

Tamaki – 'yes'

Mori - *glare*

Tamaki - *shrivelled*

**Ok if you want me to set it out differently then tell me, if you have any improvements, tell me, if you want me to do your request tell be but you have to give me the set characters with it. Again I apologise for bad grammar and Punctuation in last episodes.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Today's chapter**

**Marshmallow people**

**SnOandZnT gave me the Idea but didn't request it**

**(I just can't see Tamaki holding a gun *realises mistake* I mean I can't imagine him being a whale?)**

***at the host club***

Kaoru – 'Oh man there is nothing to do 'round here!'

Hikaru – 'OH MY GOD I'M SO BORRRED!'

Kaoru – 'So, your hair is pretty soft!'

Hikaru – 'We need to get outta here.'

. . .

*both sitting upside down on a sofa/couch I know you've done it sometime in your life*

Kaoru – 'Anything?'

Hikaru – 'NO!'

Kaoru – 'the couch isn't working.'

Hikaru – 'WE NEVER COME UP WITH GOOD IDEAS ON THE COUCH!'

Kaoru – 'well what else can we do?'

Hiakru – 'SOMETHING THAT ISN'T STUPID!'

Kaoru – 'Let's just go annoy Tamaki or something'

Hikaru – 'WE ALWAYS ANNOY TAMAKI'*Pushes Kaoru off the couch*

Kaoru – 'GAAAH' *thump*

Hikaru – 'I know, let's visit Haruhi!'

*outside Haruhi's house*

Hikaru – 'Hey Haruhi? Are you home? '

Tamaki – 'Hey what are you guys doing here?'

Kaoru – 'WOAH WOOOAAH.'

Hikaru – 'being bored, you?'

Tamaki – 'visiting Haruhi.'

Hikaru – 'YEAH, OBVIOUSLY!'

Tamaki – 'Well she obviously isn't home so . . . should we hang out or something?'

Kaoru – 'NO, we want to annoy Haruhi NOT YOU!'

Tamaki – 'But I'm fun'

Hikaru – 'NOT AS FUN AS HARUHI!'

Tamaki & Kaoru - *give him a weird look*

Hikaru - *blush* 'NOT IN THAT WAY!'

Kaoru – 'Yeah, you're TERRIBLE!'

Tamaki – 'AAW! I'm fun!'

Kaoru – 'NO, NO YOU ARE NOT.'

Hikaru – 'Whoa, my hair _is _soft.'

Haruhi – 'What are you three doing here?'

Tamaki – 'Where have you been?'

Haruhi – *sarcastically* 'Rocketing to the moon.'

Kaoru - *start's stabbing Haruhi*

Hikaru & Tamaki – 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?'

Kaoru – 'I have no idea! I HAVE NO IDEA!'

Hikaru – 'everyone! Onto the COUCH!'

*on the couch upside down*

Hikaru – *to Kaoru* 'GREAT, now we're murderers.'

Kaoru – 'I'm sorry, I was just sooo bored!'

Hikaru - *arm around Kaoru* 'I know, I know. I'm still totally bored too.'

Haruhi – 'I can see the light. . .'

Tamaki – 'I stole a pack of gum once!'

Kaoru – 'NOBODY CARES TAMAKI'

Hikaru – 'Listen lets just push them off the couch and run away, pretend none of this ever happened. . .'

Kaoru – 'That sounds lame but whatever.'

Tamaki – 'HEY, am I cool yet?'

Hikaru – 'Did you just strip Haruhi?'

Tamaki – 'No . . .'

Kaoru – 'THAT, is perverted.'

Hikaru – 'WHY DIDNT WE THINK OF THAT?'

Kaoru – 'OMG OUR WHOLE WEEK IS SET.'

Tamaki – 'Yay! I'm awesome!'

Hikaru - *shoves Tamaki* 'aaand onto the floor'

Kaoru – 'Guess what Hikaru?'

Hikaru – 'What?'

Kaoru – 'I am still bored.'

**this chapter was a fail :P remember if you want to request something you have to come up with the cast as well **


	7. Chapter 7

**Emeraldsky67 – you are one of the most violent people I have come across on FF, No I do not LIKE SecretAgentBob I LOVE him. :)**

**Lovely – I metaphorically love you too**

**anonymous reader - I'm glad you like the malk chapter :) the YouTube vid is way funnier.**

**Today's chapter**

**Charlie teh unicron 2**

**Request by RabidOtakuGirl**

**Mori – Charlie**

**Tamaki – Blue Unicron**

**Kaoru – Pink unicorn**

**Kasanoda – McDonald's guy**

***THANK YOU FOR ADDING THE CAST IN YOUR REVIEW!***

Mori - *studying quietly in the host club for some reason . . .*

Tamaki - *burst's into room in a car?* 'WHOO spring break!'

Kaoru – 'We just stole this car.'

Mori – 'Why?' **A/N – I'm trying not to force poor Mori into saying too much**

Tamaki – 'Dunno, taste of being a rebel.'

Kaoru – 'I'm still bored from last chapter.'

Tamaki – 'really?'

Kaoru – 'I have an idea! What if we all made out?'

Tamaki & Mori – *weird look*

Kaoru - |:-( 'WELL FINE!'

Tamaki – 'We really need to find the banana queen'

Mori – 'Banana Queen?'

Kaoru – 'that dude's stealing all our fangirl's'

Mori – 'Dude?'

Tamaki – 'you have to come with us!'

Mori – 'Why?'

Tamaki – 'Have you looked in the mirror lately? Your looks are so bad ass.'

Kaoru – 'The banana queen will be shaking in his boots'

Tamaki – 'Whats with the sudden British accent?'

Kaoru – 'I'm –'

Car - *boom*

Tamaki – 'HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS!'

Kaoru – 'You see Mori, he knows we're comin''

Tamaki – 'Yeah Mori, WE'RE GOING TO WAR, WE'RE GOING TO WAR!'

*outside Banana Queen's house*

Tamaki – 'Yo, Banana Queen, get yo' ugly face out here!'

Kyoya – 'What? Oh it's you Tamaki, look I've had a hard day, the host club's gone bankrupt and I've lost my car.'

Kaoru – 'Why don't ya' stop bein' an asshole!'

Kyoya – 'What I 'ain't' bein' an asshole you bein' the asshole.'

Tamaki – 'You bein' the asshole mommy.'

Kyoya – 'I said I 'ain't' bein' the asshole you two are definitely the assholes.'

Kaoru – 'Mori, tell him what an asshole he is'

Mori – 'No.'

Kyoya – 'You see, Mori is definitely not an asshole.'

Tamaki – 'That's it I'm tired of you, mommy asshole.'

Kaoru – 'We're coming fo' you Banana Queen'

*burst into Kyoya's room with guns*

Tamaki – 'You don't steal fangirls on my street' *shoots*

Kyoya – 'It's a free country. You need to learn some economics'*shoots his own gun*

Kaoru – 'Well YOU need to learn some DIE!' *shoots*

Kyoya - *gets shot* 'OH! I am bleeding banana blood? Is that normal?'

Kaoru – 'YAY, Kyoya's dead!'

Tamaki – 'I'm done with this let's go to MacDonald's.'

*at MacDonald's*

Tamaki – 'What the hell is a McChicken legend big daddy 'o' beef?'

**A/N – I made that up **

Kasanoda – 'It's – '

Kaoru – 'What the hell you doing here bossa-nova?'

Kasanoda – 'I wanted to apply for a goofy goober land job but I got stuck here.'

Tamaki – 'ANSWER ME DAMMIT!'

Kasanoda – 'that's everything that comes with a McChicken legend but combined with beef and fish and all that's in between'

Kaoru – 'that sounds nasty.'

Kasanoda – 'They're very popular.'

Tamaki – 'I wanna have some pancakes.'

Kasanoda – 'I'll put you down for a McChicken legend big daddy 'o' beef.'

Tamaki – 'I SAID, I want pancakes.'

Kasanoda – 'You're all getting McChicken legend big daddy 'o' beef's, they're very popular.'

Kyoya – 'I don't want that crap.'

Kasanoda – 'It includes our whole meat included breakfast buffet, all the chicken specials and fish and beef as well all inside a burger.'

Kaoru – 'Man that sound's awful!'

Tamaki – 'GODAMMIT, I WANT MY PANCAKES!'

Kasanoda – 'I can slip the pancakes in as well.'

Tamaki – 'EEEEEEW!'

*fire comes out of nowhere*

Kaoru – 'Oh no way.'

Tamaki – 'That crap's still burning from, like, three chapters ago!'

Kaoru – 'Dear lord how is that still going?'

**Hey people if I manage 100 reviews I'm probably going to make a new awesomely funny fanfic as a reward for all you people who love this s**** :)**

**oh and if you were wondering what Kaoru was about to say before the car exploded it was:**

**'I'm a secret spy from the government intelligence who is pretending to be twins with Hikaru but I'm actually a woman, and I'm in my late thirties.' **

**that. explains. everything.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Remember all requests have to have included cast please, it makes my life a whole lot easier. **

**Oh and ways to annoy, freak out and embarrass the host club will be done I'm just struggling with reasons sorry for the delay.**

**the depressed whale by SecretAgentBob (I'm running out of SecretAgentBob stuff)**

Kaoru – 'hey Tamaki, what's going on?'

Tamaki – 'well to be honest I'm feeling "kinda'' depressed.'

Kaoru – 'oh I'm sorry to hear that! Have you tried eating some ramen?'

Tamaki – 'Yeah I tried eating some Ramen.'

Kaoru – 'have you tried . . . harassing Haruhi?'

Tamaki – 'Yeah – HEY! I don't harass Haruhi!'

Kaoru – 'Well I guess that's about all you can do huh?

Tamaki – yeah and none of it helped and I'm still all depressed, but you know what else. . .

Kaoru – what?

Tamaki – *holds up a gun* 'this is a robbery give me your God damn fangirls.'

Kaoru – 'whoa, this is taking a turn.'

Tamaki – 'I said give me yo' fangirls bitch.'

Kaoru – 'I don't understand what's happening here.'

Tamaki – 'I'm not depressed that was an act. Hell if I was depressed I would've grown mushrooms by now!'

Kaoru – 'alright, alright I don't want any trouble.'

Tamaki – 'damn right you don't want any trouble; I'm the Host club king, for god's sake. I can make Kyoya corrupt you in more ways than 5.'

Kaoru – 'Alright, alright but there's something I have to tell you. . .'

Tamaki – '. . . Yes?'

Kaoru - *draws out gun* 'I'm an undercover secret spy from the British intelligence who is also employed in Kyoya's police army.'

Tamaki – 'Man that's some crap.'

Kaoru – ' so how's this "gonna" go? The easy way? Or the hard way?'

Tamaki – 'I can't go to jail man, my father will be ruined and my grandmother will never hug me again, she hasn't yet but I want one for my birthday. Look at me! I wouldn't survive 5 minutes in jail :('

Kaoru – 'well maybe we can work something out? Off the record.'

Tamaki – 'I would appreciate that I have tickets to the new SpongeBob movie tomorrow.'

Kaoru – 'How about you give me all your fangirls including the ones you stole then we can pretend this never happened.'

Tamaki – 'that sounds reasonable, except. . .*draws out second gun* I "ain't" a robber, I'm a current affairs officer investigating undercover secret British spy corruption or CAOIUSBSC.'

Kaoru – 'Well, Have I got a surprise for you! I'm not actually an undercover secret spy from the British intelligence who is also employed in Kyoya's police army, I'm actually a thrity year old woman who has nothing to do in her spare time.'

Tamaki –'Ok, I'll be honest I don't fully understand where that leaves us.'

**I really didn't know how to edit this one that much and all the ideas were sorta desperate and all but :P**

**SnOandZnT – no need to be guilty :) I was probably going to do it anyways**

**Lovely – where have you been all my life?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Remember all requests have to have included cast please, it makes my life a whole lot easier. **

**Today's chapter**

**Request by RabidOtakuGirl**

**Ferrets also by SecretAgentBob (DW I will do something from another youtuber next chapter :D)**

**thanks to RabidOtakuGirl for helping me change around the lyrics :)**

Kaoru - *is Emo*

Hikaru – Hey Kaoru what's wrong?

Kaoru – 'I'm still bored from chapter . . .'

Hikaru – 'Chapter . . .?'

Kaoru *in despair* 'That's how bored I am! I can't even remember the chapter which I was first bored in.'

Hikaru – 'OH KAORU!'

Kaoru – 'I am bored!'

Hikaru – 'KAORUUUUU!'

Kaoru – 'Thats right! I am bored.'

Hikaru – 'Let me sing you a song :).'

*song sequence*  
>An apple pie<br>a little white lie  
>A Commoners super market things to buy<br>An ice cream bar  
>A shooting star<br>The sound of a steel Crowbar

(Kaoru: 'That is wonderful, I guess?')

I love to sabotage a crane  
>wearing a hat and cane<br>tiffany window panes lovely to see  
>making Tono take a chill pill<br>The feel of a dollar bill  
>Vacations in Brazil fill me with Glee!<p>

These are all the little things that make me smile  
>This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile<br>Everybody knows the Holocaust was a lie  
>So let's sing about the things we like and Don't be shy!<p>

(Kaoru : ...Wait, what was that about the holocaust?)

A strip of lace, a renaissance vase,  
>Me and Kaoru face to face<br>Counting sheeps, and froggy leaps,  
>Touching Kaoru inappropriately while he sleeps!<p>

(Kaoru: Hey!)

I love the feel of my chains  
>making Mi'lord insane<br>making me feel vain, what a treat(!)  
>That everlasting thrill, Our brotherly lovey thing<br>This is all the stuff that makes me want to sing

These are all the little things that make me smile  
>This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile<br>One day I will molest your brain and it'll be great!  
>So let's sing about the things we like and meet your fate...<p>

Kaoru: 'Yeah, that made me feel great... Just great...'

Hikaru – 'YOU ASS!'


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey peeps here comes the next chapter :)**

**Writer's corner:**

**For ways to annoy the Host club Mori will be next it is confirmed****Check out my new fanfic OHSHC on FaceBook, it has hit off with quite a lot of people which I'm proud of :) love you all **

**IMPORTANT! I am trying a new format style for this story and I want to know if you prefer it to the script format because "you're not allowed script format"**

**Enjoy.**

**Today's chapter **

**ASDF movies by Tomska**

**Request by HTFslayer69 - it was quite fun to do thanks ;)**

* * *

><p>Hunny, eyed the cake greedily. It was his favourite type. It was baked to perfection, iced delicately and covered in strawberries. It was like heaven to him, Hunny felt so calm and serene but Tamaki was the opposite. He was agitated and bored he decided to go bother Hunny – senpai as Haruhi was busy, the twins were occupied, Kyouya was busy with the financial troubles of the club and Mori was at Kendo practice therefore that only left Hunny as his target.<p>

He sidled up to the distracted child and quickly grasped his nose with two fingers; he pulled them off gently and wriggled his thumb in the gap inbetween.

"I got your nose Hunny – Senpai!" Tamaki teased. Hunny quickly covered his face with his hands searching for his beloved nose.

"No Fair Tama-chan" Hunny cried tearing up, he quickly grabbed Usa-chan for reassurance.

Tamaki smiled, he felt a new feeling flood his body. _This must be what it feels like to be Hikaru and Kaoru! _He thought to himself. He wiggled his thumb that was still clasped between his ring and middle finger.

"Tama – chan you're a meanie!" Hunny cried bursting into tears, conveniently Mori showed up sweating from rough training.

"Takashi!" Hunny wailed "Tama-chan won't give me my nose back!" As he said this Hunny pointed at Tamaki menacingly; Mori frowned, his features contorted. He slowly walked up to Tamaki suddenly seeming to grow taller and more threatening.

"Give Mitskuni his nose back." Mori growled

"I-I haven't got it!" Tamaki said innocently holding both hands up to show he was not lying. The twins suddenly seemed interested. They stood on either side of Tamaki with sly grins painted onto their faces.

"Yes that's right he hasn't got it!" Hikaru said mischievously

"It's because he threw it out the window!" Kaoru finished tutting and waggling his finger disapprovingly at Tamaki.

"NO! NO! THEY'RE LYING!" Tamaki shrieked

"But you said you had it Tama-chan!" Hunny sighed innocently

"I lied" Tamaki cried dramatically followed by a chorus of sparkles and petals.

* * *

><p>Tamaki looked around desperately; the force that was applied precociously onto his throat was tightening rapidly threatening to cut off his supply of oxygen. He spotted Hikaru in the distance, Tamaki sighed in relief, grabbed his ammo of sparkles and roses, and headed towards him.<p>

"Hikaru!" he cried grasping him by the shoulders firmly which was a way of telling him "I'm not going to let go until I am finished."

"What now Tono?" he snapped, he was frustrated that he had been snapped out of his daydream about . . . a certain person doing. . .Certain things.

Tamaki leaned close to Hikaru their noses almost touching, Hikaru frowned at him. _Is Tono gay? _He thought to himself.

"My Tie is evil" he whispered his voice cracking; Hikaru looked at him then raised an eyebrow.

"Help me!" he pleaded half heartedly throwing a handful of sparkles at Hikaru's face.

Hikaru Patted Tamaki on the shoulder. "Stay away from the smelly green plant, it's bad for you and trouble for us." then Hikaru turned and walked away quickly.

Tamaki was frozen on the spot. His hand outstretched, he looked down at his tie.

"Please don't hurt me" he begged.

* * *

><p>Hikaru looked at the potato that was sitting on the counter. Mocking him. He felt rage build inside him till he couldn't take it.<p>

"MUERE PATATA" he screamed thrusting the potato at the ground and jumping on it repeatedly. When the potato was nothing more than a fine lump of mush he stopped then admired his work, Kaoru had watched the whole thing.

_The hair dye must've gone to his head! _Kaoru thought simply.

* * *

><p>Hunny, settled down on his favourite chair and gazed at the cake as he was doing before Tamaki disrupted him. He yawned loudly then reached for the knife and positioned it above the cake and then brought it down on it. As he sliced through it the cake suddenly cried out.<p>

"AGH!" it cried. Hunny immediately leapt back leaving the knife still half embedded in the cake.

"ARGH!" it cried again "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?"

Hunny flinched. "Ha?" he replied obviously confused.

"I have a wife and family!" the cake screamed

"NO!" Hunny wept "What have I done?"

The cake slowly edged it's way to side of the table, the knife was sticking out of it awkwardly.

"ARGH! The pain!" it shrieked "It's unbearable!"

"I'M SORRY!" Hunny sobbed.

"Tell my children I love them!" the cake begged.

"Daddy!" nearby cupcakes squealed.

"WAAAH!" Hunny yelled.

The cake regretfully pushes itself off the table; Hunny reached for him but was too late. The cake was dead. Hunny was so depressed he couldn't and wouldn't eat cake for over 2 hours then gave in.

* * *

><p>Niji sat in the library and read her book peacefully. All was quiet and well, Hikaru had stopped harassing her long enough for her to get away. Then she notices a familiar tuft of dark ash hair poking up from behind her book.<p>

"Shit" she sighed. It was nice while it lasted.

"Hola amigo!" Hikaru squealed loudly only to be shushed by the librarian again. He then started giggling annoyingly. Niji couldn't take it; she pulled back her arm and whacked him hard on the arm.

"AYE PAPI! Oye que diablos de pasa?" he growled angrily.

"Suber de nevil" Niji replied simply punching the air.

* * *

><p>Kaoru and Hikaru were bored again. They were back on the couch upside down, thinking. After the last episode of boredom they refused to ever visit Haruhi's house again.<p>

"Hey you know who's gay?" Hikaru wondered

"I dunno who?" Kaoru replied.

"YOU!" Hikaru replied before bursting into a fit of laughter, Kaoru groaned and pushed him off the couch.

"Gah!" Hikaru cried out before landing on the floor with a satisfying thud.

_Revenge _Thought Kaoru

* * *

><p>*Tamaki's dream*<p>

"Tamaki!" Haruhi cried running to him brandishing a cup of food, "I made you some Ramen!"

"OOH!" Tamaki squealed. "what flavour?"

Instantly Haruhi was engulfed in flames then she held the cup of ramen to his face, her eyes blazing.

"RAMEN FLAVOUR" she schreeched.

Tamaki screamed.

* * *

><p>"MUERE PATATA!" Hikaru screamed his hand ready to glomp the vegetable. Kaoru Giggled at his idiot brother then crawled under the table the potato was on then yelled:<p>

"NO HOY!"

Hikaru screamed.

* * *

><p>Tamaki leafed through a magazine, it was very interesting to him.<p>

"What're you looking at Tono?" the twins ask

"I don't know I can't read."

* * *

><p>"KITTEN FIGHT!" Hunny yelled.<p>

"NO!" Kyouya cried. "I'm allergic to adorableness!"

Hikaru smiled evilly, grabbed a kitten and pelted it at his face.

Kyouya peeled the kitten off his face; he glanced at it then fainted.

* * *

><p>Kaoru looked at his Pocky greedily.<p>

"I can't wait to eat this!" he exclaimed

"Yes you can!" Hikaru said

Kaoru looked at him weirdly while Hunny quickly stole his pocky.

"Hey wait! Wheres my pocky?" Kaoru cried.

"I am your pocky!" Hikaru growled

* * *

><p>Hikaru looked at Tamaki weirdly. Tamaki fidgeted under His gaze.<p>

"WHAT?" he finally burst out.

"You have something on your face!" Hikaru said calmly.

Tamaki looked taken aback, then looked away for a moment. Hikaru took this chance to hit him.

"Oops silly me!" Hikaru giggled "It was only pain. . ."

* * *

><p><strong>So?<strong>

**You like this format better? Please tell me :D**

**I think I went overboard with the spanish :S**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys!**

**I think I may continue in the new format as the vote goes 3 to 1.**

**Firstly:**

**Lovely – to be honest it's been there all the time, I've just been neglecting it DX. YOU SAW SOME ERRORS? Damn it, I type this on word so there won't _be _any errors! But still glad you like it :) and thanks for supporting me friend.**

**DellaNee-chan – I'll try and write more chapters that include Kyouya, Hikaru and Tamaki are meanies!**

**Emeraldsky67 – there was some constructive criticism submitted on this story basically telling me that scripts aren't allowed and stuff.**

* * *

><p><strong>Secondly:<strong>

**New chapter woohoo!**

* * *

><p><strong>Today :<strong>

**The Italian who went to Malta by Alundras **

**XD this is going to be good**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Reminder Hikaru is holidaying the world and has spent the longest in Italy and developed an Italian accent.<span>_**

* * *

><p>Dear Kaoru<p>

I'm coming home soon from my travels don't miss me too much. Remember the week in Italy? When I video messaged you and you made fun of how I had an Italian accent and I was quite proud of it? Well it sucks.

Here I'll tell you why.

Today I went to the fancy hotel in London (Where I'm staying currently) where breakfast is awesome! I asked the waitress for the fanciest thing on the menu plus two pieces of white toast slowly grilled and flambé-d with butter. Then when she came back she brought me everything I wanted but only one piece of toast! So I said.

"Excuse me I want two piece."

She said "Then go to the toilet."

So I said "No I want to piece on-a my plate"

The she said "You better not piss on the plate you son of a bitch!"

I mean I barely know this woman and she's calling me a son of a beach?

Later on I go to eat at a fancy restaurant, PFFT! Barely fancy! They brought me my food, a spoon and a knife and no fork. I mean seriously? What kind of restaurant brings you a spoon and a knife and no fork? So I said to the waitress.

"I wanna the fock"

She tells me –"everybody want to fuck"

So I tell her: "you no understand! I wanna fock on the table!"

She gets all angry and tells me "You better not fuck on the table you son of a bitch!"

So I go back to my room in my hotel for a nap. When I get there, would you believe it there was the bed but no sheet. I don't want to sleep on a rough old fucking mattress. So I call room service and say:

"Call the manager tell-a him I wanna sheet!"

Then the dumb ass room service man (I guess?) tells me to go to the toilet. That's when i blow my top. I start full on shouting at him, I told him:

"YOU NO UNDERSTAND! I-A WANNA SHEET ON THE BED!"

And he said "You better not shit on the bed you son of a bitch!"

So I decide to leave and I go to the checkout counter and the foreign guy behind says:

"Peace on you."

I was so tired from my fucked up day that I went mental and shouted "PISS ON YOU, YOU SON OF A BEACH! I'MMA GOING BACK TO JAPAN"

But alas, there weren't any planes to Japan until Monday so that's why I am sleeping on the London eye until restrained

Lots of Love

Hikaru x x x

P.S. this is why you never get an Italian accent.


	12. Chapter 12

**First things first:**

**Lovely – XD don't think you made me feel upset I'm pretty damn hard to upset! **

* * *

><p><strong>Secondly:<strong>

**If any of you guys spot a grammatical error then please tell me where it is so I can say whether it was on purpose or not, and BTW don't think you'll offend me XD I don't get offended very easily. I mean what's the point in getting offended by one silly little thing when life's full of disappointment?**

* * *

><p><strong>Thirdly:<strong>

**I HAVE A NEW STORY UP!**

**Sadly it isn't a parody or a spoof; it's actually a more serious one. It's called 50 Ways To Live Forever. Plz check it out ;) BTW it was co-written with CleverKitsune07**

* * *

><p><strong>Today:<strong>

**Reaction to Nyan cat – real creator of Nyan cat is unknown XD**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Hunny looked at YouTube's homepage, he scrolled through the most viewed videos. He abused the circle-y thingy on the mouse (you know what I mean) then he found it. It was a video that was practically made for him. The title? Epic Nyan cat.<p>

Hunny clicked on the video. He waited for the video to load.

"Stupid connection" he snapped "I should've gone to sky broadband."

As the video started playing Hunny sat with his eyes glued to the screen, he watched the damn thing over and over again.

"Mitskuni" Mori grunted. "It's time to go to the club"

"Later Takashi!" Hunny snapped, clicking the replay button.

Mori sighed; he picked Hunny up and dragged him to the club while Hunny was still holding onto his laptop which he decided to take with him.

"Hey!" Hunny cried as he reached the club, he walked over to his table and set his laptop down on his lap and started abusing the replay button again.

"My God Hunny-senpai!" Tamaki moaned "you have guests! Entertain them!"

"What are you watching anyways?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked.

"The best thing ever!" Hunny yelled in glee.

"Can I see?" Tamaki asked "You know what let everyone see how great this thing is."

"Okay!" Hunny agreed and set the laptop onto the table and sat on Mori's lap while everyone else crowded around the laptop.

As Tamaki pressed play they were all eager to see what was so great about the infamous video.

"Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan"

"What the hell Hunny senpai." Hikaru facepalmed.

"what is that thing anyways?" Kaoru inquired

"It looks like an 8-bit blushing cat that's stuck inside of what appears to be a pop tart, and has somehow mastered intergalactic space travel. And is also sh*tting out a rainbow." Kyouya answered

"Thank you captain obvious!" Niji said

"Hey what are you doing here anyway?" Haruhi asked "You're supposed to be writing this."

"meh" Niji replied

"Look at that thing!" Tamaki cried "If a cat and a pop tart humped and somehow their offspring had an endless rainbow shooting out of its ass, then that's what this video is."

"GAH!" Hikaru cried "STOP F*CKING LICKING ME"

"I can't help that you're so tasty" Niji retorted licking her lips.

"why . . .?" said Hikaru confusedly

"don't forget I'm the author and I can make you do whatever I want!" Niji Cackled

"Like what?" Challenged Hikaru

"I can make Kyouya pole dance while stripping" Niji smiled evilly

"NO PLEASE DONT!" the twins shrieked

"I wasn't planning to" Niji admitted "He would probably molest me while I'm sleeping."

"WHAT!" Kyouya snapped.

"We all saw what you did to Haruhi in that episode Kyouya" Niji smiled, her eyes glinting

"Oh crap" Kyouya sighed.

"Nyan Nyan Nyan!" Hunny sang

"Shut up" Mori snapped.

Everyone gasped. After several minutes of awkward silence Niji spoke up.

"Have you heard what Justin Beiber's been hiding from the world?"

"No, what?" Hikaru asked then immediately regretting it.

Niji smiled then whispered into his ear.

"eeeeeeew" Hikaru squirmed "EW!"

"I know, it's hard to accept" Niji laughed maniacally

"what did she say?" Kaoru asked.

"She said-" Hikaru started then winced "You actually don't wanna know!"

"TELL US TELL US!" Tamaki and Kaoru started chanting

"OK FINE!" Hikaru snapped then whispered to them.

"eeeeeeeew!" Tamaki and Kaoru shuddered,

"But you have to admit, it explains everything" Niji laughed.

"That's true" Hikaru admitted.

"Let's just eave this conversation now" Kaoru said quickly

"I agree" Tamaki groans.

Niji starts laughing randomly, "I have a dirty mind"

"Yeah. . ." Hikaru shuddered "it needs cleaning."

* * *

><p><strong>Review if you want to know what Niji said ;)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Lovely - *guilty as charged* I was hoping no-one would notice . . .D:**

* * *

><p><strong>For those who were wondering what Niji said it starts with V ends with a, all you dirty minded people would have gotten it instantaneously. XD<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Dedicated to SnOandZnT because I missed your birthday and it's a late prezzie<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Today:<strong>

**Completely random stuff that was on the top of my mind, it's not a YouTube video.**

_When the twins found Niji's iPod._

* * *

><p>"Ok see ya guys" Niji called "I'm just gonna go eat lunch and leave my iPod unguarded here with no pass code and completely accessible to anyone who wants to mess with it, okay?"<p>

"Bye" Hunny called still watching Epic Nyan Cat.

The rest of the hosts paced around aimlessly minding their own business except for the twins, they were sitting upside down on one of the Host club's sofas.

"I'm bored." Hikaru whined.

"Same." Kaoru agreed.

"Do you wanna go mess with Tamaki?"

"We always mess with Tamaki."

"What about Haruhi?"

"If Niji finds out you did then she'll kill you."

"She's a crazy stalker person."

"Yup."

"Hey, isn't that her iPod?"

"But she said not to touch it."

"Go jump off a cliff."

Hikaru shifted his way to the iPod touch and pressed the "home" button. A picture of RayWilliamJohnson flashed up on the screen.

"Wow." Hikaru smirked "Someone has a crush."

"What is it? What is it? Let me see! Let me see!" Kaoru pined trying to grab the iPod from Hikaru's grasp.

"NO!" Hikaru retorted swatting at Kaoru "go play with your Rubik's cube or whatever smart people do."

"I hate you. . ." Kaoru hissed.

Hikaru used his thumb to slide the arrow on the iPod.

"SHIT!" He cried "She's got a pass-code"

"It's 7498" Kaoru said popping up behind Hikaru.

"How the f*ck do you know that?" Hikaru asked his brother curiously.

"7 is the day of her birthday, 4 is the month and 98 is when-" Kaoru was silenced by a slap in the face by Hikaru.

"We do not give out private information on this story" Hikaru said wagging his finger.

"I know but you didn't need to slap me!" Kaoru protested.

"I'm a pink bunny, meow!" Hikaru giggled then was slapped by Kaoru with a fish.

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!" Kaoru yelled shaking Hikaru.

"Sorry, damn authoress" he mumbled. He then input the code that Kaoru had suggested and it worked, surprisingly.

"Music, music –AH!" Hikaru said as he tapped the music app on the iPod.

"Here" He said handing a headphone to Kaoru. "Let's be stalkers."

"Hey look, Check it out" Kaoru said

"I can see it"

"No I mean, check it out, Nicki Minaj?"

"Why would I check her out? She's ug-el-eeee" Hikaru groaned sticking his tongue out

"NO, CHECK IT OUT BY NICKI MINAJ!" Kaoru shrieked

"Oh" Hikaru said, he finally understood.

"The moment's gone Hikaru" Kaoru hissed once again.

"WTF does Dostana mean?" Hikaru pondered.

"I don't know, but what I do know is that they're Indian songs."

"Thank you once again captain obvious" Hikaru snapped rolling his eyes.

"Hey look Tinie Tempah!" Kaoru pointed out.

"Who?" Hikaru questioned.

"The guy singing the song"

"He's rapping, God Kaoru get your facts right!"

"Sorry asshole"

"Where is Bakora no love style? I see it nowhere on this iPod however much I scour and type it into search!" Hikaru snapped.

"Wait what's this?" Kaoru questioned tapping the song.

"7am waking up in the morning gotta be fre-"

"GAAAAAH TURN IT OFF NOOO!" Hikaru screamed throwing the iPod away from him; the iPod flew across the room until it hit Hunny's laptop and reverberated off it and hit the floor still intact. However Hunny's laptop had broken and Epic Nyan cat was no more.

"BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAA!" Hunny screamed. "TAKASHI!"

"Oh shit" the twins said in unison.

"I knew it" Niji said popping up from nowhere "You two luuuuurve messing with my stuff don't you?"

"why. . .?" Kaoru started

"Why did you scar us for life?" Hikaru wailed.

"it's cuz I'm awesome, deal with it!" Niji jeered.

"NOOOOOOO, MY NYAN CAAAAA-HA-HA-HAAAAAT!" Hunny screamed in the background

"Oh you two are in some deep shit" Niji laughed

"shut up."

* * *

><p><strong>LML, don't forget to check out the first chappie again, I rewrote it. P.S. I don't really have Friday on my iPod, I meant to add in the story that it was to repelt burgulars XD<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Lovely – I'm too childish to be 15 XP **

* * *

><p><strong>Now for a YouTube video XD<strong>

**The Narrator by hoiitsroi**

**Request by ****xXAna-Christ-342Xx**

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry peeps this had to be done in 12 script format DX**

***dedicated to EmeraldSky67***

* * *

><p>Kyouya - *working hard on some sort of homework*<p>

_Kyouya ponders thoughtfully as he is stuck on question 4 of exercise 77F on page 334, he is getting more desperate by the moment._

Kyouya - *confused,looks around then goes back to work*

_Kyouya continues to study hard as he knows there's no hope left in the  
>world.<em>

Kyouya – whatever.

_Kyouya continues to dismiss the little distractions causing him to  
>falter with his homework.<em>

Tamaki – Hey Kyouya,  
>look what I got for Antoinette!<p>

_Tamaki burst into Kyouya's room with his skanky mutt and distracts  
>Kyouya from his Homework, his dog is dressed in a cake costume purchased free<br>with commoner's ramen._

Tamaki – THE VOICES  
>IN MY HEAD FOLLOWED ME HERE!<p>

_Tamaki screamed in surprise._

Kyouya – Shut up,  
>can't you see I'm working here?<p>

_Kyouya retorted angrily as he glared at Tamaki with disdain, at the  
>same time he was thinking that Antoinette looked like a slutty McSlut slut<em>

Tamaki - *Gasp* you  
>don't think that do you Mommy?<p>

_Tamaki tries to reassure himself desperately._

Tamaki – TELL ME THE  
>TALKING CEILING IS LYING!<p>

_Tamaki tries to believe that the ceiling is talking._

Kyouya – How the hell  
>did you get into my house?<p>

Tamaki - . . .

_Tamaki tries to get himself out of the hole that he has dug._

Tamaki – SHUT UP  
>TALKING CEILING!<p>

_Kyouya slaps Tamaki in the face._

Kyouya - *slap*

Tamaki – WTF? OW!

Kyouya – seems like  
>the ceiling has taken control of my body<p>

_Says Kyouya examining his hand._

Tamaki – WHY?

Kyouya – I already  
>said, it wasn't me<p>

_One more time_

Kyouya - *slap*

_Okay, that was boring. Do it with a fish!_

Kyouya – *slap*

Tamaki – ew, slimy

_I found that difficult to masturbate to_

Tamaki and Kyouya – Really? ew. . .

* * *

><p><em>In a place where narration takes many genres<em>

Kyouya – wait this is a movie now?

_Mystery.  
>. .<em>

Tamaki – Kyouya  
>what's the 5 letter word for male Genitalia?<p>

Kyouya – I . . .  
>Don't . . . Know<p>

Tamaki – OH THE  
>HORROR!<p>

* * *

><p><em>Drama . . .<em>

Tamaki – is there  
>anything to eat Kyouya?<p>

Kyouya – there's some  
>stuff in the fridge, just don't touch my malk.<p>

Tamaki – MALK?  
>REALLY?<p>

Kyouya – whatever  
>dude.<p>

_Tamaki opens the fridge door_

Tamaki – mmm, malk

_Cue temptation, take the glass out Tamaki and drink it. Drink it all._

Kyouya – MY MALK! YOU  
>DOUCHEBAG!<p>

* * *

><p><em>Horror . . .<em>

_Antoinette's pulling you in Kyouya_

Kyouya – GET HER OFF  
>MY LEG!<p>

_Help him Tamaki._

Tamaki – GO  
>ANTOINETTE!<p>

_You both fail._

Kyouya – SAYS YOU!

_Romance . . ._

_Kissy kissy . . ._

Antoinette - *licks*

Kyouya – I'M ALLERGIC  
>TO CUTENESS NOOOOO<p>

Tamaki – mmmmmm  
>ramen~<p>

* * *

><p><em>Action . . .<em>

_Last time on Pokemon_

Tamaki – I CAUGHT A  
>KYOUYA<p>

Kyouya – kyouya kyo~

_Next time on Pokemon_

Tamaki – Kyouya use  
>HYPER BEAM!<p>

Kyouya - *throws book  
>at Tamaki*<p>

Tamaki - *book  
>bounces off head* GOOD, now a little more force . . .<p>

* * *

><p><em>Ramen . . .<em>

Tamaki -  
>:U *hom nom nom nom nom*<p>

Kyouya – ew. . .

* * *

><p><em>THE NARRATOR !<em>

_Do what I say_

_Coming summer 2011_

_Minus 5 _

_multiplied by 0_

_add 1,000,000,000_

_subtract 7_

_lick a puppy_

* * *

><p>Kyouya – dear God we<br>have to find this guy.

Tamaki - :3 nummy  
>nummy Ramen<p>

Kyouya - *smack*

Tamaki – DAMN IT  
>TALKING CEILING<p>

Kyouya – I did that  
>on purpose moron<p>

Tamaki – fuck tard

Kyuoya – He's messing  
>up our lives! Where is he?<p>

Tamaki – over there  
>*points to door*<p>

*sign*

_In here_

_This is not a trap_

Kyouya – then why  
>haven't we SEEN IT BEFORE?<p>

Tamaki – cuz we're  
>dumb.<p>

*burst into room*

Kyouya and Tamaki –  
>HEY! STOP MESSING UP OUR LIVES!<p>

Niji - *swivels round  
>on chair* I've been expecting you.<p>

Tamaki – Really?

Niji – no I just  
>wanted to sound smart, who are you anyway?<p>

Kyouya – the guys  
>you're torturing.<p>

Niji – oh yeah . . .

Tamaki – NOW ASK IF  
>WE'LL FORGIVE YOU<p>

Niji – why?

Tamaki – NO! WE WILL  
>NOT!<p>

Kyouya – wanna get  
>some Ice cream?<p>

Niji – yeah, kay.

*Kyouya and Niji  
>leave*<p>

Tamaki – *looks at  
>computer then types* "Haruhi slaps Kyouya and brings me some ramen"<p>

Kyouya – *eating Ice  
>cream*<p>

Haruhi - *slappy –  
>poo*<p>

Kyouya – ow, well  
>that didn't feel good *explodes randomly*<p>

Niji – Hah, Justin  
>Beiber reference.<p>

Haruhi – I made you  
>some Ramen lovey wovey kins!<p>

Niji - ?

Tamaki – YAY!

Niji - *types* "end  
>chapter before it gets awkward"<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Okay I have to ask you guys, what d'ya think of an OHSHC truth or dare<br>show?**

**the chapter went weird but I couldn't be bothered to fix it :P Niji Lazy Pants**


	15. Chapter 15

**Today!**

**Pokemon XD**

**Inspired by Smosh**

* * *

><p><strong>Not going along fully with the storyline.<strong>

**I should explain why I changed my name . . . It's because I'm a  
>pedobear and I want the world to know, because there's nothing to be ashamed.<br>No-one should be ashamed of being a paedophile.**

**So I certainly am not.**

**Honestly, I just wanted to creep you guys out.**

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm finally a<br>Pokémon trainer!" Hikaru said to Kaoru.

"Don't be too excited all you  
>have is a level 5 Pikachu!" Kaoru replied "Right. What the fuck is a Pikachu, I<br>cannot go along with this script."

"What is a pokey man anyways?"  
>Hikaru added.<p>

"I believe it's pronounced Poke a  
>mon" Kaoru corrected.<p>

"I can't believe we're doing  
>this"<p>

"No, I can't believe _you're _doing this. I have 5 minutes till  
>my coffee break"<p>

"Damn you!"

"Run along little bumpkin."

Hikaru sighed, where was he  
>again? Oh right. He couldn't believe that he was finally a Pokémon trainer, and<br>at 16 too, boy did he feel hip and trendy. As he made his way to . . . where  
>the fuck <em>was <em>he going?

He looked at his pokéball inside  
>lay a feisty rat Pokémon named Pikachu, or as Hikaru nicknamed him, Scruffles the destroyer of souls and carpets or STD for<br>short (Scruffles the destroyer).

"Come on buddy, we'll do this  
>together!"<p>

As they entered a dark,  
>suspicious, bug infested, smelly, dirty, ugly, small, dark, ugly, suspicious,<br>forest.

"This forest looks really safe!"  
>Hikaru said joyfully while entering<p>

As he travelled through the  
>forest making sure to use the path, he got to a sea of tall grass. There was no<br>way over, any way under it, he had to go through it. As waded through a small  
>purple mouse Pokémon attacked his face.<p>

"IT'S EATING MY EYEBALL!" He cried  
>in despair, he tried to reach for his pokéball but he had dropped it a few<br>centimetres away. A giant stick was closer so he started beating at his face  
>with the stick until the Pokémon decided it had enough and let go.<p>

"Phew!" He sighed in relief; he collected  
>his pokéball and continued wading. Eventually another purple rat decided to<br>latch onto his face and scare the living crap outta him.

"HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS!"

This happened many more times  
>until he and STD were out of the grass together. They continued along the path<br>that was free from grass until they came up to a Tamaki trainer who stood  
>lifelessly at one side of the road. At the same time an old guy was passing by.<p>

"Ehm 'scuse- Mori? Is that you?"  
>Hikaru asked in utter suprise.<p>

"Yah"

"What the hell is that guy  
>doing?"<p>

"Tamaki trainer?"

"Yeah"

"Kill him"

"But I don't wanna"

"Kill him good"

"Okay master"

Hikaru wandered up to the  
>expressionless person, he was staring straight ahead, expressionlessly. Hikaru<br>looked at him and then started to poke him.

"Die, I said die, don't talk back  
>to me" he muttered prodding the opponent's face, as he saw he wasn't getting a<br>reaction he walked in front of the trainer. And a visible '!' appeared.

"Kyouya?"

"You looked at me weirdly!" The  
>trainer exclaimed "Now we must battle!"<p>

Then music came out of nowhere  
>and the screen blacked out, a camera panned across the hosizon.<p>

"But I don't wanna battle" Hikaru  
>complained<p>

"Too bad dumbass you're the one  
>who walked in front of me! Let us commence battling!" Kyouya struck a pose and<br>the music and screen blacking out started again, as the screen panned across  
>the battle field again the Kyouys prepared for battle.<p>

"NO! Hikaru no go!" Hikaru  
>retorted "I'm just here to catch pokemon."<p>

"Look man" Kyouya said laying a  
>hand on Hikaru's shoulder. "I've been standing here for 5 years of my life<br>moping and waiting for a dumbass, like you, to beat the shit out've. Don't ruin  
>it for me man."<p>

"Fine"

"LETS BATTLE!"

The theme music started again,  
>and then the effects kicked in.<p>

"WHERE THE FUCK IS IT COMING  
>FROM?" Hikaru shrieked histerically.<p>

"Tamaki I choose you!" Kyouya  
>said throwing a pokéball.<p>

"WAN WAN!" Tamaki squealed.

"Go Pikachu!" Hikaru cried

A flashing red lazer came from  
>the ball and then Hunny appeared?<p>

"WTF? HUNNY? WHAT HAPPENED TO  
>STD?"<p>

"I ate him sorry Hika-chan!"  
>Hunny apologized.<p>

"Whatever" Hikaru dismissed.

"Tamaki! Use puppy eyes!"

"WAN WAN!" Tamaki stepped in  
>front of Hikaru and immediately his eyes became orbs of sadness and guilt.<p>

"HUNNY USE CAKE BOMB QUICK!"

"Hah!"

Hunny threw his cake at Tamaki, it was super  
>effective.<p>

"Tamaki no!"

"Wan . . . wan. . ."

"Tamaki quickly use seduce!"

Tamaki pelted Hunny with petals  
>and glitter, it had no effect.<p>

"Hunny finish it off with hyper  
>beam!"<p>

"I don't know that move."

"Okay . . .DRAGON CLAW!"

"Don't know that one either."

"WTF do you know then?"

"Rainbow blegh, high jump kick  
>and karate chop"<p>

"Fine use High jump kick!"

"Hi Yah!"

Tamaki fainted.

"Damn you!" Kyouya cursed "here's  
>3,000,000 yen"<p>

"Sweet" Hikaru smiled before  
>grabbing the money and walking through the forest, soon he came to an opening.<p>

"WHAT THE HOLY JESUS?"

There awaiting him was a line of  
>several trainers waiting to be fought, there was no way of avoiding them.<p>

"I WAITED 16 EFFING YEARS FOR  
>THIS?" NOOOOOOOO!"<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah I made you wait like a week for this shit.<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Today!**

**If the internet was real by Smosh (Did somebody say Obsession? XD)**

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages! I was so busy and lazy and I forgot**

***ashamed face***

* * *

><p>"Hey Kaoru." Hikaru inquired "Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the internet was real?"<p>

"No and I don't want to Hikaru, its 3am. Go to sleep you tard." Kaoru snapped turning away and trying to get back to sleep.

"Your harsh words cut me deep Kaoru." Hikaru sniffled but then decided to stop as he realised Kaoru was well and truly asleep, and he snored too. The first thing that came to Hikaru's mind was "OMG I should so get some whipped cream and a feather duster" before he fell asleep too.

"Where am I?" Hikaru thought as he opened his eyes to a man juggling on a bicycle, in the background Nyan Cat was zipping by and Charlie the Unicorn was being harassed by the other two annoying as ass unicorns.

"You're in Youtubeland!" said a voice.

"Who said that?" Hikaru said looking around.

"Me, you beep."

Hikaru looked down and saw RayWilliamJohnson at his feet.

"I expected you to be taller in real life." Hikaru snorted.

"Shut up, you're the one who's fake and gay!"

"Yeah, coming from the dwarf."

"I'M NOT A DWARF, I'M A LESBIAN!"

"Um yeah okay now what?"

"I'll show you around, OH FUCK HERE COME THE TROLLS!"

"The what?" Hikaru started but stopped abruptly as he saw a mass of green, warty trolls stampeded through YouTubeland screaming abuse at the cowering YouTubers.

"Help me!" Screamed Rebecca Black as the trolls started to drag her into their hell hole.

"YOU DESERVE IT BITCH!" Hikaru Screamed.

Ray looked at him and frowned, "That behaviour isn't accepted here!"

"What?"

"You are Now suspended from YouTubeland!" He announced.

"You can't do that!" Hikaru retorted

"Of course I can Dumbass" He replied smugly "I'm YouTube's most subscribed which means I wear the pants around here!"

"HE CHEATED!" NigaHiga screamed as Hikaru was kicked into a door.

"Oh hello, what do we have here?" Hikaru wondered as he opened the door out of utter curiosity.

"Welcome to MySpace!" Said a zombie, the zombie put his face close to Hikaru's ear. "Secretly I'm very lonely."

"U-Uh that's nice, I'll just be going now" Hikaru pushed the zombie away and ran for his life.

"Don't leave me! Please! You're my first visitor in 13 yeaaaaaarrrrsssss!"

Hikaru shuddered as he realised how close he was to becoming a MySpace-ian and that would obviously do wonders to his reputation.

"Is anyone in here?" he asked as he looked through the next door.

"Welcome to Twitter!" Said a small blue bird.

"Oh cool." Hikaru looked around.

"You are now a Twitter-ian and you will fall into the average twitter-ian habits."

"Like what?" Hikaru snorted

"You will announce everything you do at any random interval."

"I NEED TO SHIT!" Hikaru Said loudly, many Twitterers looked up and clapped, Hikaru flushed feeling embarrassed "I AM SO EMBARRASSED!"

"OKAY I AM LEAVING!" He announced firmly leaving through the door and then coming face to face with another one.

"Welcome to Yelp, feel free to leave your reviews." Said a female robotic voice over a tannoy. Hikaru Sat down at a table and Haruhi served him some commoners gruel.

"So?" She asked "What d'ya think?"

"the water is to watery, the food taste's gross, it smells like a elephant's puked out of its ass, the tomatoes are too sweet, there's an armpit hair in my food and I HAVE AN E******N!"

Haruhi looked crestfallen and then turned away.

"2 STARS!" Hikaru yelled before running out of the door, he searched around and found another, he entered to Google Images. He smiled.

"Hey Google Images, can I get a picture of a banana?"

"Don't you mean a Pe*** with fat rolls?" **(a/n – Lol my friend actually googled this once XD) **It replied displaying said picture,

"Ew, no I just want a plain picture of a banana, a normal banana and nothing but a banana." Hikaru Commanded

"Did you mean a picture of a Plain sized pe***?"

"EW NO I'M LEAVING!" Hikaru rushed out of the room feeling all sick inside, he looked at the next door and wondered if he would regret opening it.

"Welcome to ." the sign said, as he entered he saw many pieces and pads of paper taped to a large wall, Hikaru approached a paper and read it through. It was just a normal Fanfiction he thought, as he read through he failed to realise he was reading a rated M Fanfiction.

"EW! ME AN KAORU NEVER DO THAT IN PUBLIC" Hikaru squealed in disgust throwing the paper down on the floor and picked another making sure it was rated K and read on, "Oh now this is more like it!" Hikaru Laughed.

He soon got bored of all the TamaHaru fics and HikaKao Fics and whatnot, then he exited the room feeling proud of himself for not having a dirty mind, he then went to the last door and opened it slowly, inside a glowing light shone and a glittering sign above was self explanatory.

"Mama Mia I'm in heaven!" Hikaru sighed, of course the only place he could be was, the Hikaru Fansite.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you like :)<strong>


	17. Chapter 17: WTF GOOGLE TRANSLATE?

_**READ READ READ REAAAAD!**_

**You will not understand if you do not read this!**

**So I was running out of Ideas so I stole Smosh's idea and took the new first chapter shoved it into an English to Japanese translator and then turned the Japanese text back to English, what you're about to read is what came out of the translator. I will not lie It will scar you for life.**

_**GO READ THE FIRST CHAPTER AGAIN BEFORE READING THIS!**_

**I have not edited ANYTHING this is what honestly came out, if you don't believe my go and translate the first chapter yourself.**

**And also Tamaki = Ring, don't ask me what happened XD**

* * *

><p>Kyouya, Tamaki and Hikaru had to sit around a table at the host club. I do not ask me why as long as you are ignorant, how on earth where there is Kaoru? I would guess they would have been killing each other would mean that I probably died from stress or Kyouya. Anyway as the narrator, I need to get in and maybe talk.<br>"Hey Kyouya is Do you have a drink round here? "Tamaki asked casually.  
>"Yes, the refrigerator of the host club," Kyouya is furiously scribbling in his black book and answered.<br>Hikaru called, "Yo, glass and Higashino Malk would get me "  
>"We did not have any Malk, we do have some milk," Kyouya is still sneer in his book graffiti.<br>Retort ring a hurry, "I said it was his."  
>"Yeah!" Hikaru, "I just said Malk." Consensus<br>Kyouya is taken to shut down his book "NO! You like some kind of disease it is delayed," the Malk "says."  
>"Well, I tell you how it?" Hikaru laughed.<br>"How should anyone say it!" Kyouya snaps. "M - I - L - K"  
>"Right, like the 2%" ring jeered.<br>"Malk whole, as well as semi-skimmed milk and Malk" Hikaru retorted.  
>"No No No No No No No No" Kyouya is "Milkshake saying" tutted<br>"Milkshake," Hikaru said with a puzzled look on his face.  
>As if he was talking to little kids saying "Milk Now" Kyouya said slowly.<br>"Malk" Hikaru replied indignantly.  
>"Do you hear the ring is?" Kyouya cried furiously.<br>"Yeah, man wants a glass of Mulk"  
>"MULK?" Kyouya is "Really?" Spat<br>"Just give Kyouya Mulk" ring is a snap.  
>"What the hell are you doing here?" Haruhi peak around the door snaps.<br>They all said innocently, "Nothing."  
>"Fine." Haruhi, turn left and sighed.<br>"Pour me a glass of MALK Kyouya!" Hikaru shouted.  
>"Why are you shouting at me?" Kyouya is "screaming does not get us anywhere." Innocently asked<br>"Give him just neurotically MULK" vibration ring-Tsu had a hand around for emphasis, moaned.  
>"You guys do not say the same thing," Kyouya dissatisfaction.<br>"We're talking all Malk Kyouya." Hikaru protested.  
>"No, you Malk says," growled the way points to Kyouya Hikaru, "And you are saying -"<br>"MUUUUUUUULK!" Ring, screeched his strong chest  
>"MAAAALK!" Hikaru, joined in. He started to scream and crawl back on the table and cried.<br>"MAAAAALK!"  
>"MUUUULK!"<br>Echoed around the empty room close to screaming, Kyouya does not put his book on his forehead two fingers hiding safely under his arm. He then put a hand in his pocket, drew a gun.  
>"INCREDIBLE MUUUUULK!" Kyouya back from him, and pointed a gun at him, before Hikaru Tamaki exclaimed.<br>"Shut up!" He "shut. UP." Ordered  
>He then proceeded to point a gun at you. Tamaki and Hikaru then proceeded to bring out his own gun, had been frozen for several seconds.<br>"Kyouya's not an IT!" They both yelped pointing a gun at him.  
>"You shoot myself if I'm going to shoot me?" Kyouya has become defective. Tamaki and Hikaru will look after you replace proceeded to point his gun at himself.<br>"DOWN Kyouya] Put the gun!" Hikaru cried hysterically  
>"Put the gun down!" Ring, loud command<br>"I'm going to kill myself!" Cried Kyouya  
>Thank you captain obvious.<br>"You're like a brother to me!" Ring "Your aunt is like a brother to me!" Cried  
>After all they are to break down, crying and screaming hysterically too, burst into tears.<br>"And we have to pull the trigger," the ring, by telephone, "all of us," said  
>Kyouya was picking up his cat, he put it in the oven, replied "We are not doing it the ring."<br>"Why?" Ring dissatisfaction.  
>"It seems to be very dark," Kyouya is angry, he will close the oven door, turn once more before he was stroking the cat on the oven.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I know what you're thinking wtf just happened? XD<strong>


End file.
